Really. And I kind of revel in it. I see the world in this way I know no one else or very few people do. I'm so removed and I see how stupid, how pointless, it all is. I've got all these compositions, paintings, poems forming in my mind. It's just a matter of getting them on paper. The downside to my lack of sanity is that I can't function normally... or, I can, but it's very difficult for me. I guess it's just that I know the things that everyone else sees as life or death matters, really just aren't that important to me. I don't care. I DON'T CARE ABOUT SCHOOL. I don't care about being valedictorian, though I could be. I don't care about getting first chair, though I could get it. I don't care about the SAT or the ACT or the PSSA. None of it matters! It's all in your heads!

Unfortunately though... I have to care. Don't get me wrong, I care about education, knowledge, literature, art, science, music theory, history... I love it all. I just could care less about my grades. I want to learn and take advantage of the genius that I possess. But I'm not doing it for a school that fucks me over every day. I don't really want to give them my sky high test scores. I'd rather fuck them over, too.

All I want is to make art and music, see the world, and raise a family. And be happy. I'm tired of working so hard to please people who can't be pleased. I'm tired of doing what I know is right and standing up for my beliefs and getting in trouble for it. I don't like this world very much.